happy happy exmas

It's Christmas Eve and I'm here sitting on the floor of my room typing out another useless post on a blog that no one will read. I don't care.

I miss my family in the Philippines all of a sudden. It doesn't help that I spoke to my 5 year old cousin yesterday and she still seems too remember me. Remembering the togetherness I felt just at my grandmother's birthday, Now that it's Christmas that feeling of happiness will be everywhere over there. I went there during November of last year and it already felt like Christmas. It's Christmas Eve and I don't feel an ounce of Christmas spirit. To top it all off I have terrible grades this semester. The semester that just so happens to be the most important of my high school career.

I need to think about a New Years resolution as well. For now, I think it will be to be more confident in myself. That should be the basic one. And I guess to stop doubting my friends so much. That doubt seems to be really screwing up my friendship with someone. I can't seem to realize that if I was as annoying, selfish, ugly etc. as I say i am, she probably wouldn't be my closest friend. What I seem to be doing is constantly seeking reassurance that I mean something to her. I don't know. I finally get to the point where I realize what kind of a friend she is, and I promptly screw it up the next day. I end up losing her trust and now I'm here on Christmas Eve sitting on my floor thinking about this plus a million other reasons why my life sucks.

Merry Christmas to all.