On Gifts

I think that people don't always realize the significance of little gifts. When I went to Canada to visit my relatives for the first time, one of my cousins gave me a book. It was just a small, pocket sized book about what it's like to own a dog. I ended up reading that little book over and over again, to the point that I can still clearly remember what the stories in it were about. I ended up losing that book sometime between San Diego and Vallejo but I will never forget my first trip to Montreal because of it.

Same thing with the folded up $5 from Canada. My other cousin gave me a $5 bill that was folded up into a shirt. I last visited in 2003 and it's almost 2010. I've kept that folded up bill with me for nearly seven years now. It somehow managed to survive being stolen and put through the wash. I never forgot who gave it to me and I always think about my time in Canada whenever I see it.

Just saw Avatar....Woooooooooooooow that movie was epic. I'm not sure if I wanna call it my favorite movie of 09, but man. Three hours of eye candy and entertaining. My first impression was that it was gonna just drag on forever. I could not have been more wrong. Right around the halfway point (or not, i was too into the movie) shit started to hit the fan. The Na'vi had their hometree blown up by the soldier people and it was just. . . so sad! Idk, but I really felt for those tall blue whatchamacallits.

It's not my party, but I'll still do what I want to.

With everything that happened on the 22nd, I find it surprising that I haven't really mentioned it on here yet. I figure now would be a good time to while things are still reasonably fresh in my mind.

This was actually the first real party that I've ever been to. If you wanna count that one night at SFState then I guess it would be my second. In any case, I showed up with my best friend. Nothing was really happening since no one was there yet so I figured I would do what any reasonable person would do; hit the buffet table. Goddamn food from Panda Express, alfredo, pancit, you name it, they had it. I was in food heaven. While I was chowing down on the food, Sean asked me for some of my liquid courage. Normally, I make sure I have alcohol in my car at all times and that night was no exception. In any case, I figured he would just take a few sips and that would be the end of that. Naturally, I was kinda surprised when he grabbed it and started passing it around. Ok, I thought to myself, its just gonna be for the people outside. Fucking shit I could not have been more wrong. I don't quite remember who but someone grabbed the bottle and went off running inside, presumably to loosen up the ladies. Aha god that sounds wrong. Anyways, I get inside to find my bottle being passed from person to person. By this point, I had already given up on getting my bottle back, so I figured I would just have as much of it as I could. First mistake of the night. After three or four gulps within about 10 minutes, I was starting to feel it.

Seeing as I was still mostly myself, I kept thinking how I needed more. I talked to Hieu and he told me that more would be coming soon. While I was waiting, I kinda just played wallflower and chilled with the besty. Now that I think of it, I didn't really talk to anyone else besides her. Anyways, the drinks eventually came. I hit that shit with a vengeance. I don't even know how much it is I had, but I kept going back for more. Pretty soon, I was feelin gooooooood. Good enough to get my moves on with the ladies. And by moves, I mean awkwardly grinding with whoever I found on the dance floor. Sean came up to me and seemed surprised that I was actually dancing, I told him it was the drink.

This went on for about an hour where all I did was drink, dance, pee, repeat. More people started showing up and I was starting to really feel the effects of the drink. Now, the most I've ever drank before was to get myself really talkative and friendly, but I had never drank so much that my hands and feet were tingly. The besty had to fuckin rescue me from the bathroom floor thats how fucked up I was. The rest of the night was just a blur.

I had found a nice spot to relax halfway between the sofa and the floor when people started yelling. I have no idea why I did what I did, but I immediately stood up and went to see. Someone was yellin about a bottle and me bein the kind person I am, stumbled inside to grab some water for them. When I get back, I see them mumbling about something when I force the water on them, Fucker pushed me away and said some unfriendly words. IDK wtf was said but I'm sure it wasn't very nice. Anyways I'm not sure what happened next, but I do remember trying to hold back some random guy only to get pushed by the guy who was tryna fight him. I ended up getting pulled back by Adil because it must have looked like I was ready to swing. I didn't think much of it, but I guess they did. In any case, this was enough to make me keep a low profile for the rest of the night. DJ left at 1:30ish and people kinda left uneventfully.

Bout an hour after everyone left, the remaining group of people started playing truth or dare. Which ended up being dare or dare. I only got picked twice and I had to kiss this girl on the cheek. I don't think she liked it very much. I kept a low profile for this part as well seeing as by then, I had started to sober up and was still pretty embarrassed about what had happened earlier. Around 3:30 I decided I had to leave. Said my goodbyes, had a few people drive me home, hit the bed and KO'd til 12ish the next day.


What a night.

I had one of the most awesome dreams ever involving me getting an awesome car. I wake up to see the warriors up by two points vs the suns. they end up winning. what a wonderful thing to wake up to.

new year, new ______

I just read a story on craigslist about a guy who spent time in prison due to a mix up. Reading it kinda just put my problems in perspective. So I had a little bit too much to drink at that party and some people showed me how they really feel about me. I have a roof over my head, parents who love me, a girlfriend who loves me, and friends who seem to give a shit. I have a job that lets me have a good time and save for the future, and my health. So far, I've spent the entire day feeling sorry for myself and wondering why I'm so unliked by those people. What I should be doing is blocking them out, and just moving forward. I know what it is I have to do, but why is it so hard? I keep telling myself that I'm better than them because I'm the only one with a job and a gf. I think all I want is the spontaneous lifestyle back.

Oh and I think I should finish my blog entries when I start writing them. I usually end up finding something else to momentarily capture my attention and by the time I get back, I'm not in the same frame of mind I was when I started.

Different thought this time. I like sociology. It's an academic class where we learn about why people act the way they do. There are smart sounding explanations for why people do certain things. Me being the fool that I am, I read random stories on the internet instead of paying attention and taking notes.

I think for the new year I'm gonna randomly go to San Francisco just cos. I live in one of the most diverse places in the world and I really want to just find someone I can have an amazing conversation with. Whenever I ride the bus it just feels as if everyone has their own story going on.

One day I will get better at english. I'll also get better at condensing my thoughts into something much more presentable.

So I might be getting a new car. And by new i mean used. win?

yesssss

i have never found myself blogging as much as this before. its aalmost a daily basis. lately it seems like i have so many thoughts to get out of my head and with no one else to vent to, im stuck here on this blog. its all good tho, cos it makes me feel somewhat better to write out my frustrations. it seems like im slowly losing touch with hella people and im not meeting enough new people to make up for it.


part 2 like 2 hours later.

im not the best creative thinker, but i can make do with what's given to me already. i can read a movie script and have that movie play in my head. i think thats why i like books better than movie. i have the guidelines to make my own movie, i just expand on it

the realization that i may never meet the person who can make me 100% happy scares me.

random thoughts instead of paper.

Have i ever done a random thoughts post? i dont think so. totally copying christian but w/e aha

• i think the best thinking is done on moving objects. trains, buses, cars, in that order. to me, its almost like an escape from real life, a place where i dont have to actually deal with whatever problems i may have at the time. not planes tho. 5+ hours is too much me time.

• im scared that this whole "higher education" thing isnt for me. i still find myself falling into the same habits.

• i forreal have'nt had a conversation with someone who clicks with me in a really long time.

• funny how a kiss can completely ruin a relationship. hasn't happened, but if it were to... i would definately lose the best friend i think ive ever had.

• my bullet points are irregularly spaced. idk why.

• I wish i was raised in san francisco. i think life would have ended up so much more different, even tho its a place not even an hour away from me. i think the big city raises people differently.

• i find myself being much more of an introvert than ever before. im scared to come out of my shell.

• i hate how change inevitably happens. i never know if the change coming up is the good kind or the bad kind.

i definately thinkn im gonna do these a lot more. easiest blog post ive ever written aha

I feel like a failure.

I love how when my phone starts blowin up i already know that it's the solano people havin a weirdass discussion on something. funny how 4 people can send so many messages. I decided to just let my phone be and its up to 9 messages in about 5 min and is vibrating roughly every 20 seconds. MAAAAAAAAn I swear eventually there will be a day when I no longer have this :(

Christmas is soon. For the most part, I am happy. There is forreal nothing that I want. I finally have friends who I know care about me, and thats all I've ever really wanted. Fruity as fuck, but its the truth. I would be seriously lost without them.