things and thoughts

There's really nothing like driving with your windows down and the music blaring while you have a California sunset in front of you. It's a sight I'm sure I'll carry with me wherever I end up. For some reason, I always seem to notice the sunset more when I have things on my mind. I'm not sure why that is tho. I guess it had to do with the fact that whenever I think about things in general, it makes me wanna just slow time down and take everything in for a moment. I guess it has to do with the fact I have to face life in a few months. I'm not ready. The fact that life is kicking ass for me right now doesn't help at all. I figured it would, but all it's really done is distract from the larger issue. The issue of me not being ready for life. Anyways...

I never would have guessed that my first relationship would be like this. and by "like this", I mean moving at a zillion miles an hour. In the 2 weeks since we became official, we've done things that I'm pretty sure don't usually happen until months into a relationship. No need for details here, but things have progressed kinda fast. Fuck that, hella fast. In any case, I've never felt this whole "love" thing before, but I'm pretty sure what I'm feeling now is that. I just wish she could see that as well.

Thing I gotta remember tho. I REALLY don't want to end up like someone I know. They have changed so much since they got a girlfriend. They're not even the same person I met a few years ago. I really hope I don't end up like them just because I have a girlfriend. Right now the thing that gets to me is how I'm trying to keep both my girlfriend and my friends happy but I'm doing a poor job. My girlfriend ends up getting priority. I don't know what to make of that.

I honestly can't think of a happier moment for me than sitting on that park bench holding hands with her. Who would have guessed that something as simple as that would be so enjoyable?

fuck...things

Why does it seem like my mom cares all of a sudden? She started talking to me about my after high school plans and I keep getting almost no support from them. It's irritating. I was told that I no longer share anything with them. My response was that they don't ask. Should I have said that? Probably not. It just got to me that after all this time of seemingly not care, they choose now to care. The fact that everytime I try to share something I get shot down and discouraged doesn't help either. Perfect example. I told my mom I had a girlfriend. I was expecting her to be at least somewhat happy for me but instead I got "We'll see how long you guys last". How the fuck is that supposed to make me feel? I tell my dad. He says that I should tell her to play tennis with me cos shes overweight. ????!?!?! I get encouraged to go to work after high school. What ever happened to aiming high? I never get any fucking encouragement.

I gotta say tho, I have a feeling what I said to my mom hurt her feelings...

02/25/09

I now have a job, a girlfriend, car, AND license. Life is good right now.