Finally making friends at school, but I have to wonder why it is I get along better with girls then with guys. Swapping drunk stories are always fun, and I find it funny that whenever I hear another person's story, it usually sounds super outrageous until I remember my stories. Then I remember thinking how normal everything was during that time.

Right now I'm itching to do something with myself, but I know the next few days will be chaotic. I'm gonna have to go back to high school to interview a teacher, pick up my uniform for work, go to Daly City with my mom, potentially go to Davis, work my other job, play some basketball, and then go to orientation for my new job. Whew, that's quite a weekend aha. Thank God it's gonna be spread out over 3 days. If anything, I have a feeling I won't end up going to Davis since I probably won't be done in Daly City til late.

Lately it seems as though no matter how hard I try to surround myself with people, ultimately no one gives a shit. The only people I can count on have been the ones who I already know I can count on. It's as if my friends are split into groups, with me having my fuckaround friends, weekend friends, school friends, and old friends. Problem is, I feel like I've been drifting away from everyone, even my best friend. What makes it worse is that it's getting harder to connect with new people. I feel like everyone around me has the sense that their current status in life is only temporary, with it being a waste to attempt anything remotely permanent.

The fact that my best friend and I are drifting apart hurts the most tho. Ever since she got that boyfriend, its been harder to get a hold of her, whether it be a kickit or a call. I know I should have expected it, what with this being her first real relationship, but it still hurts. What scares me the most about losing her is that I can safely say she's the one person who knows me best. We both have a thorough understanding of each others quirks and a million inside jokes and nicknames that only make sense to us. She made a point of telling me in the beginning of her relationship that she would always choose me over her boyfriend. Somehow, I don't think that's as true as it once was. Honestly, I want us to remain friends far into the future, but with her heading off to Sac for college, I'm not so sure if that's still a possibility. Another thing I think is pretty bad is the fact that I fear losing my best friend far more than I fear losing my girlfriend. I suppose part of it could be explained by their different attitudes toward the dumb shit that I do.

If I were to act a fool in a shopping mall, my best friend would just shake her head and ignore me for as long I was being dumb. My girlfriend would ignore me, get in a sour mood, and most likely have an attitude for the rest of the time we were there. When it comes to shit that could potentially injure me, my best friend usually watches with a sense of cautious facination while my gf will trip balls. And again, have an attitude for the rest of the day.

I don't know how I feel anymore honestly. People are drifting away from me and I feel like its impossible to reconnect.

When I'm the best player on a basketball team, you kno you gonna lose. Maybe if i was a better defender/passer/shooter we mighta had a chance. my team mates were only making open shots. If I were better, I could have done my part to get them open. nah, monta ellis status fer me.Super shot happy. final score was like 16-8 or something.

I read this article about Rasheed Wallace and how he happens to be a player who is capable of much more than what he shows on the court. Reading about what made him a bad player corresponds nearly perfectly to my basketball play recently. I always give up on defense, continually jack up threes, and continue to take bad shots. Yet when I try, I somehow manage to put together some semblance of control and end up doing good things. There was one game where I drove on nearly every possession and ended up scoring 7 or 8 of 11 total. Another game where I started off with 4 straight points and it was a mix of attacking the basket and jumpshots. Yet for every good game I have, there are 5 bad games I play.

I know what my problem is, but it's so hard for me to do anything about it.

About two years ago, I was on a Greyhound bus to L.A. with my mom. The bus had five pine tree air fresheners hanging near the bathroom. Smelled like shit and strawberries. Even then I wanted to be able to express the feelings I had from riding Greyhound. I told myself that maybe in the future I would be able to write about it properly.

Two years has passed.

Nothing has happened.

When I think back to that summer, the only thing that has changed is that I have more people to distract myself with. Not friends. Just people. People who I occasionally share a good time with, but ultimately care about me as much as they would a complete stranger. The only difference is they know my name.

How many people out there have thoughts that are unseen by the world due to sub par writing skills? It can't just be me. . .