grawrforcats

It's 11pm on a school night and I have a major essay due for my government class on Friday. Today is Wednesday. Normally, I wouldn't even consider doing this assignment until the day before it was due. I figured I would get a jump start on it since it is the end of the year and all, but I've been stopped dead in my tracks. By something that I usually disregard.

Jealousy.

Who'd have thought? Definately not me.

Thing is, it seems like my girlfriend is better than me at damn near anything. She plays piano, guitar, is ridiculously artistic, and on top of that, she's super friendly. Oh, and I found out today that she's also a good writer. I might be a little quick to be judging that last part, considering I've only heard the first paragraph of her essay, but still. People don't usually write a good first paragraph and then drop off. What's bothering me more than anything, is the fact that I'm even jealous at all. These sort of things don't normally bother me. I mean, I'm surrounded by lots of people everyday who are probably more talented than I could ever hope to be. I just don't seem to by affected by any of thing. It could have something to do with the fact that I don't actually know any of these people, but it still doesn't account for my feelings at this moment.

I realize that this entire post will probably come off as me being resentful and everything, but that's not what I'm feeling. I lied, thats exactly what I'm feeling.

One more thing, after reading over this entry, I realized something; I have a very scattered thought process.


onwardstoessayshoooooooray.

hi

Well, spring break is over. Not quite yet but it might as well be. There are so many thoughts running through my head right now, and there is no possible way i can hope to get it all out here. Seeing as I havent figured out what's due for my government class, I figure I might as well try my best.

It's the last night of spring break and all I can think of are negative thoughts. Why? I have no idea. All I know is that the last couple of days I been thinking a lot. Not the good kind of thinking, but the kind that makes me wonder all sorts of things. Things that usually happen to be negative. I've been feeling somewhat jealous the last couple of days and I have no idea why. It's nowhere near the levels it used to be with whatserface but its definately there. What bugs me is that...

And that is why one should finish their writings before going to bed. I have no idea where I was going to go with that thought last night but I do know that it wasn't anywhere positive. In any case, a new day, new thoughts.

I realized I'm not the only one thinking about the past, the future, and everything in between. Thinking about it now, I really shouldn't be surprised. What does surprise me is how well everyone seems to be hiding it, myself included. Life carries on as normal for the most part, with everyone trying to enjoy what things senior year still has to offer. The only thing is, whenever I stop and take time to think about my future, I get scared. Very scared. I've already had a slight taste of what it's like to deal with real world stress and I really do NOT like it. I'd like to think that I handled it fine, but that doesn't mean I liked it.
I think if life were to come right now, I would be ready and not ready at the same time. After my experiences in unusual situations, I think I'm pretty good at adapting to almost any kind of situation. At the same time, my life skills are pretty lacking.



More tomorrow, this isforkylie.


YAAAAY :]