I was thinking just now and I think I realized something. I've had a great friendship turn sour on me. It started out great. Nothing but good times for 4-5 months ish. Ever since about August, it hasn't been the same. I think it's mostly my fault due to the fact I've been pretty negative since then. I've always been questioning her motives, been a touch too clingy, and didn't exactly take it well when she found a new friend. After nearly 5 months of little disputes, I'm at a point where I don't know what to do anymore. I could try and keep the friendship but I think she's had enough. To be honest, I think I have too. All those times shes screwed me over keep popping up in my head and I find it hard to trust her again. It doesn't help either that I betrayed her trust bout a month ago so I suppose I don't blame her for treating me differently since then. I really don't know what to do about this. I don't want to lose someone who's had such a major impact on my life. I'm not even sure if she realizes that. If I want things to go back to the way things were before, I'm going to have to be more trusting, less clingy, and get my mind off this. The thing is, there comes a point where I'm just setting myself up to be used by her. I don't know. I'm confused as hell right now and this has really been on my mind lately.
I really wish I could put everything thats happened so far behind me. If I could do that, I'd be fine.

Why did I let it get like this?

yay warriors

It's been a long week. The first week back from a vacation always seems to be difficult. It's the end of what seems to have been a three day week, I'm super tired, and yet, I can't sleep. I guess it's cos lately I've been forced to start thinking about my future. I don't like it to be honest. I don't have the best grades, I'm not too good in math, and I lack determination. I've also been thinking about my relationships with my friends. I'm well aware that most of them can't stand me and yet I still hang out with the. Probably because I'm past caring. Then I have that best friend of mine who is always on my mind for some reason or another. Usually it's cos we're not talking at that time. More often then not because I'm just thinking about the stuff she does to me. It might be because I want her to be more than a friend. I don't know. If I could just stop caring about things I'd have a much easier time with things.

If I get lucky, soon I'll have a job, a girlfriend, and be on the tennis team. When that day comes, I will probably be dead tired. I'm tired enough as it is. I have no idea how I'd be able to handle all that. At least right now I have the Warriors to keep me occupied. They're currently 21-16 and they have a very real chance of making the playoffs this year. I've only started watching basketball this year. Before I used to watch basketball but not with interest. Now I can stick it through an entire game without getting bored and i understand the plays they make. For the most part at least.

Brain go blank, me go byebye.